Leaving so soon?

When I was younger, I felt a great resentment towards January. In a two-year period, my family lost four members in January. It was as though those family members, who were ill to begin with, were holding out for one more year, to let that year pass them by, to see the other side of a year, before letting themselves go. When I was 12 I lost my grandmother. She was someone who was very close to me, and at the time I didn't really know how to handle it. Though my grandmother and my mother really didn't get along, even now, ten years later, my mother still has a little resentment towards her mother for never really knowing how much my mom loved her. It was really obvious to me, despite my young age that my grandmother was making up for her horrible relationship with her mother by having such a lovely one with me. There are times when I remember my grandmother's crappier side. But for the most part, I remember my grandmother as being a truly lovely person. She was kind to me, she would take me for weeks at a time. She loved her grandchildren with all of her heart. My cousin suffers from multiple sclerosis and she took him with her on a trip to Medugorje in the mid 1990s. I had never seen my cousin come back from a trip so enlightened. He has a lot of disabilities but she never babied him and never let anyone else do so either. One year and one week later, I lost my grandfather. One week after that, I lost my great grandmother.

In the past two years, every time my parents have gone on vacation in February someone has passed away while they were gone. Another family member passed away right as my parents returned home last year.

As I returned to school this semester, one of my friends committed suicide. He jumped off the balcony to his apartment, two days before beginning his final semester in college.

Last week, Brad Renfro died of a drug overdose and this afternoon, just three hours ago, Heath Ledger was found dead in New York City, they still aren't sure from what.

It seems that more and more people are passing away before their time. Though I know that when one dies, it is truly their time, it is difficult to accept it. Whether it’s a 21 year old boy takes his own life at school, or a 28 year old actor who was found in his own bedroom, the shock of death is never easy. I didn't know Brad Renfro, and I didn't know Heath Ledger, but the reality of young death doesn't sting any less.

 
It's hard to look around a classroom, seeing individuals my age and younger and not think, we're all so young, and yet, more and more young people are dying every day.

Last Thursday night, I sat in a room full of individuals were sat and mourned over the death of a friend. Our friend Scott had left us far too early. I watched his dad break down as friends told story upon story. His girlfriend barely held it together, and his closest friends didn't know what to do with themselves as each person stood and were trying very hard not to be angry with a friend who felt the need to leave.

I have never lost faith in the fact that God knows what he is doing. God knows when it is someone's time to leave. God knows when it is the right time to take away friends, lovers, grandparents, parents, siblings and children. Some people are only meant to live for a short amount of time. Some people are meant to live for decades. While I have had to watch too many people leave, I know that there is a higher plan out there. Sometimes, it’s just harder to understand than others.